Surprise!

Tuesday morning, April 7th, 2009. A typical weekday morning of clothing, grooming, feeding and driving the kids to school, then I "got" to take a walk with Hoof, and finally challenged myself to get as many chores done before I had to leave for Maleah at 11:00. And around 10:30, probably during the serene, thought- provoking moments oft enjoyed while scrubbing toilets, I remembered that Julie - our case manager from All God's Children had left a voicemail Monday afernoon. She said that she really wanted to touch-base with Scott and I and would love to speak to us on Tuesday.

Well, her benign message left me thinking that she was probably making her monthly check-in calls with all of the families that are in the "waiting" stage - waiting for a referral of a child. We expected to languish in said "waiting" stage until June or so. We knew June would arrive sooner than later, as all months and years seem to rush upon us before we're ready...so we were OK with June. After all, we had only been added to the wait list for an infant boy in late January! Or was it early February? (a perfect example of our lack of deference for time and dates) But either way, we felt some sort of obligation to serve our time on the wait list! So, imagine my shock...

No, shock is not an accurate enough word for what I felt when Julie called around 10:45 that morning and said "Is this a good time to talk?" "Yes, sure!" said I, thinking she was going to update me with our new wait list number. "Well...IhaveababyboythatIwouldliketotalktoyouabout!" HUGE PREGNANT PAUSE (no pun intended) HERE. "OK??" I said weakly. I'm sure this was NOT the reaction that Julie is accustomed to when she goes to introduce a much dreamed about/prayed for/anticipated child to it's mother. And then she started to rattle off a lot, a lot, a lot of information about my newest son. Silently I took it all in, straining to register every detail she relayed about him. Over the next ten minutes I existed in a state of subdued elation. My mind was racing - trying to listen to Julie, tring to convince myself that this was "the moment" that i had been dreaming about just days before, trying to enjoy it all because it would never happen again (with this child). There is no rewind option on the first moment that you meet your child, adopted or biological!

After 10 or so minutes of talking...mainly Julie talking...I was reluctant to tell her that I had to leave to pick up Maleah. She told me that she was hitting "send" on the email that contained the pertinent information and oh-so-precious (soon-to-be copied many times over) pictures of our son. For a second, I wrestled with myself over leaving without waiting for that email. I wanted SO BADLY to frantically scan through the words in Julie's email and get to the...PICTURES. I wanted to see my son's face! But visions of my daughter's face, wondering where mommy is and why she's the last one waiting to be picked up from Kindergarten, won out. I have never been late getting the kids and I wasn't about to start that day...referral or not!

Shaking, I jumped in the car (a giant car is still a car, right? and let it be known i'm fanatical about recycling), breathed in, breathed out and finally smiled hugely to myself. I had a new son! Joy! And praise God. And then I called Scott. Yes, I refused to be late for pick-up but I could not wait to call my husband. We went through the whole conversation again as I recalled everything Julie had told me. He tried to download the email but we figured out that Julie had the wrong email for him, off by one letter! So he'd have to wait for me to get back home and forward. And after the longest 30 minutes of my life...wait, we had to drive to Denver to see Maleah's referral info, so that's not true...I returned home and was able to feast my eyes on the gorgeous little peanut that is my baby. Small, two months old, light brown skin, huge glowing eyes, smirking smile, straight-ish hair...just perfect. I'm in LOVE with baby #4!

Suddenly a piece of my heart is in an orphanage in Addis Ababa. Does he know that he has a family? Well no...he's only a few months old. But I have to exist in the little limbo universe created for and by adoptive parents that are waiting to travel to bring their children home. In this limbo land I can love, pray for, dream about, and prepare to parent my child...but I cannot devote a full 100% of my heart and mind. It would be too painful and frustrating. It would necessitate daily crying fits, anxiety attacks and expressions of helplessness! And I have to believe that he knows -that God tells him, whispers to him - that we are coming to bring him home!