It's been ONE MONTH, four full weeks, since I read the email that made my heart drop. And right at this moment, I'm feeling that I need a venting session. Off we go -
ONE MONTH of being in the dark about what is happening in Addis Ababa with the "investigation".
ONE MONTH knowing (but trying to convince myself otherwise) that our court date would come and go...
ONE MONTH feeling my throat tighten and eyes sting at the very thought of this adoption process.
ONE MONTH of that terrible, useless feeling of having no control.
ONE MONTH trawling the internet, desperately searching for any small bit of information, positive or not.
ONE MONTH hating myself for loathing others' good fortune and happiness.
ONE MONTH of panicking - what if I never get to be Dawit's mother?
ONE MONTH supply of tissues. And sunglasses.
ONE MONTH of constant prayer...is anybody listening???????
ONE MONTH of smiling on the outside but withering on the inside.
ONE MONTH avoiding the nursery upstairs.
ONE MONTH of a new friendship with someone else that feels the same...thanks Amanda :)
I'm not sure if I can do one more month of this... Strong, yeah I am. Faithful, sure. But I didn't expect my strength and faith to be tested so soon after the last trial. So I'm really quite tired, and I'd like for this to be over...PLEASE!! I believe that...I have no earthly idea what to think or feel anymore!!
2 comments:
I can say "I know how you feel"
Hang in there. They have to clear this up soon.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me! Was it you or Erin who said one day we would look back on this and laugh? I think that's true. :)
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