Oh how nice it would have been to be celebrating a day of independence with Baby D! We're going to the pool today, then up to Denver to have a picnic and to see a lacrosse game and of course - fireworks...I'm sure there would have been many terrific photo-ops for him wnd his siblings! But...no. No freedom for the sweet baby and many of of his little peers. Because of some poor decision-making by one man, their lives are significantly different that they could have been today. SAD!!!!!!!!
But, there is always next year. Isn't there?
Right now, as I type this, I CANNOT say with complete confidence that Baby D (as we know him, the one we have pics of) will be here with us in a year. And that kills me to admit that to myself. Afterall, I'm referring to the child that I immediately and unconditionally accepted as my own as that very first photo of him opened on this screen. For three months now, I have dreamed about this child - the moment when I would finally get to touch his face, stare deep into his eyes and breath in his smell. For three months I have spent every day, praying and hoping that we were one day closer to turning my dream into reality. My love for this child is fierce and desperate. And, as I said, it scares the crap out of me to think that I may never get to demonstrate it.
So, on this day of celebration I WILL have fun with my family...the sun is shining and warm, we have plenty to eat, we will be amused and entertained, we're all healthy and we have our freedom. And, because the years go by so quickly and they need to be captured, pictures will be taken. If only I could tell myself that Baby D would be in the next set of holiday photos...then maybe I could breath freely. As a mom, there is NO FREEDOM for me until Baby D is free to finally come home.
But, there is always next year. Isn't there?
Right now, as I type this, I CANNOT say with complete confidence that Baby D (as we know him, the one we have pics of) will be here with us in a year. And that kills me to admit that to myself. Afterall, I'm referring to the child that I immediately and unconditionally accepted as my own as that very first photo of him opened on this screen. For three months now, I have dreamed about this child - the moment when I would finally get to touch his face, stare deep into his eyes and breath in his smell. For three months I have spent every day, praying and hoping that we were one day closer to turning my dream into reality. My love for this child is fierce and desperate. And, as I said, it scares the crap out of me to think that I may never get to demonstrate it.
So, on this day of celebration I WILL have fun with my family...the sun is shining and warm, we have plenty to eat, we will be amused and entertained, we're all healthy and we have our freedom. And, because the years go by so quickly and they need to be captured, pictures will be taken. If only I could tell myself that Baby D would be in the next set of holiday photos...then maybe I could breath freely. As a mom, there is NO FREEDOM for me until Baby D is free to finally come home.
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